Progress not perfection...

So yesterday, I decided to try a new way of doing things in regards to my health and fitness. One day at a time.

I did pretty good.

I ate 3 healthy meals and find that it is difficult for me to eliminate carbs in the evening, so I'm going to have to work on that.

I drank about 60 out of the 80 oz. of water I had as a goal. Again, not perfect but not bad. That's more than I've been able to drink in one day.

Sugar consumption? Not bad, pretty good, needs improvement but I did not go crazy.

I did my ab exercises and I stretched. I'm a little sore today and that tells me that something is working behind the scenes.

Today I will start over again and try my hand at the same goals as yesterday.

Wish me luck!

Just for today...

Just for today:

I will drink 80 oz. of water
I will eat 3 healthy meals
I will be open to my growth, health & fitness
I will be sugar free

In the course of a day, these seem like such little things but for me yet they have been the equivalent of climbing a great mountain in my tennis shoes (in winter) with no coat.

My lovely boyfriend and I had an honest conversation this weekend about our bodies and our health.

Neither of us are where we want to be and both of us are struggling with looking in the mirror and seeing the authentic picture of who we are right now.

There are so many "things" going on in our lives and all of those "things" and many others will be there offering themselves up as an excuse for as long as I choose to use them.

I am so tired of this roller coaster and truthfully I am in awe of the lengths I have gone to and continue to go to to keep myself from moving into a healthy body.

I could pontificate for hours on the "whys" of this but at the end of the day it's just an incredible fear to move forward.

I have been given the tools to build a new, healthy, beautiful me and I continue to choose not use those tools.

Like they do in 12 step programs, I think the only way that this is going to work for me is if I do this one day at a time and set daily goals for myself that I can achieve WITHOUT the luxury of excuses.

Today, right now I am going to stretch and do some ab exercises.

For breakfast I am going to make a protein shake, for mid morning snack I will eat a builder bar to keep my protein level up.

I will drink my water.

I will make and eat a healthy salad for lunch today and bring along a thermos of soup.

For an afternoon snack I will have an apple or a yogurt and for dinner I will make up some baby bok choy.

No carbs at dinner time and if I have to have them during the day I will have some Newman's own pretzel rounds. They are SO yummy!

That's my plan JUST FOR TODAY.

I'll tackle tomorrow, tomorrow.

Wish me luck in standing aside and allowing God's magic to happen.

Much Love,

Linda





Here is what I am choosing to do, just for today...

All of the above mentioned list

A new path...

Oh my how time flies!

When I started this blog it was with the intention of keeping track of my journey in weight loss and my movement toward health and fitness.

In January when I started all of this, I took a before picture of myself. It is not a pretty picture but depicts honestly where I was at the time.

Interestingly enough I just looked at that picture and realized that although subtle, my body has changed. I have firmed up some and lost some inches. Nice!

Today marks a new path on my journey.

I begin with a holistic nutritionist and life coach.

In all that I have done, I have come to a great realization and that is that my outsides will not change unless I nourish and love my insides into a new way of thinking and being.

So much of my issues around my body are controlled by my internal thoughts and recently I have noticed an old behavior which I do not like very much and that is that any opportunity I get I mention my perceived unattractiveness. It is an inner and outer thing.

My boyfriend Dan made a very astute observation the other day. He told me that in my life if I am faced with an obstacle I visualize something different and make that happen or I put a positive spin on it but I always shift into a place of acceptance and forward positive movement...except with my body.

He's right.

We all know someone who is constantly saying "Do I look fat in this?" Look at the size of my butt!" etc. Although I empathize with that type of person, I grow weary of hearing their diatribe and self loathing.

Guess what? I'm that person.

Somewhere in the recesses of my mind I believe that I will get fit, lose weight, be a perfect size 6 or 8 and then I'll magically be done! Poof, I'm perfect, I can now eat a bag of chips!

Aaaarggh! It's not true! It's just not true!

And so another layer of the onion is peeled back and I get the gift of moving forward in my journey of healing.

Just for today I am going to love myself and nurture that part of me that feels so lost and wounded.

Today, I choose to post that before picture of me because it is apart of my journey and I must love those parts of me that I find so unloveable.

I hope to keep up on my posts and I hope that this helps someone else who is struggling inside with their outsides!

Here goes...wheeee!

A New Day!

So I made a big decision after the Win to Lose challenge ended and that was that I needed a break.

Between the early morning workout and my long hours at work and a few other factors, I was feeling completely discouraged and defeated.

In truth the first week after the challenge I worked out 3 times instead of 5 and last week I chose to sleep in and nurture my tired self. It helped a lot.

While many would not recommend this, it was exactly what I needed.

Tomorrow I start a new team training at the gym for 6 weeks. 2 days a week from 5:30 a.m. to 6:30 a.m.

Today I woke up ready to get started again. I grabbed the pooch and we went for a 3 mile walk in the 23 degree weather and it felt really good. I feel good about me!

I weighed in this morning buck naked at 163 lbs. And that's a good starting point I'm thinking!

I am going to focus on my food intake and the "getting fit" part this time.

If I do those things I will lose weight but I really messed myself up by making my weight loss the center of my universe during the 9 week program.

I declare here and now that I'm dumping that! WooHoo!

My ultimate goal in this next 6 weeks is to lose fat off my body and be able to see my leg and arm muscles clearly...as in defined and I deeply desire to lose more of my belly!

Wish me luck. I am officially back on board to continue sharing the journey, so I hope you will come on along for the ride. Weeeeeeeeeee!

Hugs,

Linda

Observation

Over the past few days I noticed a change but was unsure. Is it the light, am I mistaken? But no, I was not mistaken my legs are takin on a new shape!

Now, I must mention that I still cannot fully see my leg muscles but the new forming at the top of my thighs appears to be the driftwood I've been looking for on the horizon!

In laymens terms that means I am well on the way to having visible muscles in my body again!

WooHoo!

Red letter day for Linda!

Win to Lose party time!

So this evening capped off the 9 week program that I joined at the gym.

It was a lovely experience to see my trainer Amy and give her a hug and to sit with my team mates whom I have grown so fond of.

I asked one teammate what he got out of all of this. He's lost weight and looks so much more fit and healthy but what he told me he got overall was motivation. He WANTS this now and he's going for it!

That's so cool.

I am humbled by the people in that room celebrating. Every one of us with different goals, all of them vital and important.

I am excited to continue.

I can make this as easy or as difficult as I choose. I choose to relax and enjoy this next leg of my journey.

I choose to ease up on myself and forget about the weight. God if I do anything THAT's what I really want to accomplish!

The Big Shift

It has been quite some time since I've been on my site and chronicled my thoughts.

Often I am on the fly and think "Oh yes, THAT's what I'm going to blog about next." and then one day goes by and yet another and here I am a month later! Yikes!

The idea of starting this blog was to expose my honest and sometimes painful journey of weight loss, health and fitness.

This has been a lovely journey full of life lessons that I haven't always wanted. I regret that i did not write more this past month as many shifts have happened.

You may recall that when I started my bootcamps at the gym I had difficulty with what I considered the simplest of physical tasks ie: jumping jacks and skipping and running. How simple could that be, right? Well truthfully, for me, it was tough and I beat the crap out of myself for not being able to accomplish these small tasks without burning out quickly or just quitting because it was too hard.

I had a goal to lose 26 pounds (I think). Initially I started out with a bang and lost over 5 lbs. and was really proud of myself. Something interesting happened then...I became fearful of weighing myself and a shift happened where I began to stress and focus on my weight loss instead of what I had originally vowed to concentrate on, which was getting healthy.

I could go on and on about the variety of things that happened but here's the bottom line. In focusing on the numbers my body stopped dropping weight. Call it emotional, or the lack of my spiritual core but the end result was the same. I not only stopped losing weight, I gained it again.

This past Thursday I went into the gym for my final weigh in. When I started I was at 167.6 lbs. and this past week I weighed 165.4. We're talking 2 lbs. that's it! That's all I lost in 9 flipping weeks!

I want you to know that i cried, I ranted, I kicked and I screamed and after I got tired of feeling desolate and completely bereft, I was reminded by the people I love a few pertinent things.

1. I showed up for every work out!
2. I tried my best to meet the challenges that were presented to me every time I worked out.
3. I made healthier choices.
4. I exercised 5 days a week! Can you believe it?
5. I started taking Yoga classes.
6. I can now skip to my hearts content and I can do SOME jumping jacks.
7. My enthusiasm encouraged half of my group at the gym to sign up with our trainer for another 6 weeks! Am I crazy or what?!
8. I lost 1 pant size.
9. I lost 2 inches in my belly.
10.I gained self confidence, endurance and strength AND I moved closer to having a fit and healthy body.

Phew! All that happened in 9 weeks and NONE of those accomplishments had anything to do with weight loss!

I was told a few very important thinks when I embarked on this journey...

1. I am not a number.
2. It took 50 miles to walk into the woods, it will take 50 miles to walk out.

As a youth I did a lot of damage to my body with crash diets, diet pills and starvation. Eating healthy and working towards a fit body was never even a consideration.

I am 49 years old now and the damage I created many years ago are a part of the many injustices I inflicted on my body and more deeply in my soul.

Somewhere along the line I got the idea that I was defective. That who I was and how I presented just wasn't good enough. I believe that that was when I began punishing myself and making incredibly poor choices.

Here is the gift (and as you get to know me, you will know that I ALWAYS find one.) I have the great opportunity to correct the past poor choices I made by replacing them with loving, healthy choices!

At the end of the day, as I've said before, it all comes down to loving yourself enough to make the changes.

How do I do that?

Well, I start by putting the big stick down that I've been beating myself up with all these years and then I put my big girl panties on and THEN I start my luscious journey by putting one foot in front of the other and remembering to breathe in and breathe out!

Sounds simple right? LOL!

We'll see.

What started for me as a 9 week adventure has now shifted to a lifelong commitment.

Just for today I chose to love every part of Linda. And just for today I really will put the big stick down.

I think that this experience was exactly what I needed to continue on down the path that I've begun to blaze for myself. As in all unchartered territories there are many unknowns ahead.

I hope you will join me in discovering all the layers of Linda. I promise to continue to share them with you as openly and honestly as I can.

Welcome to my luscious journey!

With love,

Linda

A Mind is a terrible thing to waste!

You know, I marvel at the crap that my mind throws at me some days. Big old curve balls that seemingly come out of nowhere.

My goal here is to get healthy, lose weight and hopefully have enough strength and endurance to some day do jumping jacks for at least 1 minute consecutively! Did you think I was going to say run a marathon? Hell no, I just want to master the art of jumping rope with out smacking myself to death with the darn thing AND maybe, just maybe skip around the track 1 whole time.

I know, I know, they're lofty aspirations but good Lord the desire is there.

OK, back to my twisted little brain for a moment...

Before starting this program I had stopped exercising almost completely. In other words I was walking MAYBE 2 times a month. In the "Win to Lose" program I joined, I am doing 2 very sweaty and challenging bootcamps a week as well as 2 extra cardio workout and 1 weight training work out.

Now let me just say that at a minimum I'm getting in 4 workouts a week. That's fantastic and yet because I didn't get the 5th workout in the little voice in my head is literally chanting "This is never going to happen!" "You'll never get to your goal weight" etc. etc. Ugh, it's exhausting!

Now here's the truth. I can't help but lose weight and get in shape with the amount of working out that I'm doing. It's impossible not to!

So here's a little message for my brain..."I love you and you're wrong!" "Not only is this going to happen, it's HAPPENING!" YESSSSSSSSSSSS! I am a force to be reckoned with baby! I am an amazing manifester. I can create anything in my life and right now I choose to create a beautiful and healthy Linda.

It's no secret that I want my boyfriend to see me as beautiful, with a beautiful bod and more importantly be really proud of me and my accomplishments. But more importantly, I want to feel those things for myself as well.

I have carried around certain sayings, here's one I try to live by:

"You become esteemable when you commit esteemable acts"

This encapsulates what I am DOING for myself right now. I am loving myself into a new way of being! I am growing mentally, emoitionally and spiritually into me, the authentic me that has been there all the time but whom I've been too fearful of allowing out of the shadows.

Hush my little brain.

Welcome Home Linda!

The big weigh in!

OK, so I'm off to work in a few minutes but today is a noteworthy day because it was the first official weigh in for my "Lose to Win" program.

My trainer suggested that I weigh in last week just to see where I'm at and buck nekked I had lost 3.8 pounds. Fully clothes today I had "offically" lost 4 lbs. but I do prefer the naked in the morning weigh in which is now a whopping 5.2 lbs.!

WooHoo!

Listen I had a girlfriend in over the weekend and although we ate vegetarian, we had vegetarian chocolate cake and enough trial mix to choke on, so the fact that I lost anything is a coupe for me.

And interestingly enough, my drive to be able to skip around the track and jumprope like a pro are much greater than my desire for big number weight loss. There is a balance here and I'm sure it will all find it's place but for right now, I am proud of my accomplishments.

OK, maybe not the jumproping or jumping jacks but that is a yet for me.

Who knew when I started this that I'd actually be considering buyin a jump rope so I could practice my skills!?

Huh!

Wonders never cease.

Watch out world, I'm on a roll.

Cleaning House

Life is busy. This has been my excuse for many things. Why the house is a mess, why I'm habitually late and why my body has fallen in to its state of disrepair.

I am not proud of this nor is it a character defect I advertise BUT most people who know me, already know my sick little secret. I'm busy!

The blanket "busy" keeps me from being in contact with the people I love because by the end of my day I'm just too tired to make an effort. Ouch.

The thing with making the choice to move into a new space physically, emotionally and spiritually is that your character defects (or to put it a gentler way) the things you do that used to work but don't anymore, are flashing like a neon sign all day and all night long in front of my face. I may try to close my eyes and shut it off but neon is very bright. It will not be ignored.

So the only choice for me really, is to move forward...to grow. There's a 4 letter word!

I begin to notice that there are things that have thus far occupied an enormous space in my life that simply must go now. Clutter. Not just the physical clutter but the clutter in my busy little brain.

You may be asking what any of this has to do with weight loss and getting fit? My answer to you is everything.

I was told once that to make a life change it requires us to take drastic measures and change our play friends, play ground and play things. Harsh but true.

I can no longer afford a cluttered mind or messy home because that creates LACK in me. And if I was truly, truly honest with you i would admit to having a rich, full, abundant and beautiful life. Therefor LACK is completely contrary to how I live and what I am achieving.

LACK is a nasty little varmint that picks at my wounds and confirms every ill thought I have of myself and after not only sinking to those depths but residing there for a very long time, what is left but to open a bag of chips and cry in my proverbial beer?

There is a saying that goes like this:

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk that it took to blossom"

Just for today I choose to be mindful of who I really am and not get caught up in the layer that currently covers me.

Just for today, I remember all the blessings in my life.

"This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine"

The quiet whisper of the scale.

Today marks one complete week and 3 complete work outs in my "Win to Lose" program.

I am happy to report that while I sweat like I have never sweat before, I kept up and even surpassed some of the personal goals I was holding for myself!

As you may recall, the first day we were instructed to run 3 laps around the track. I barely made it around twice. On Tuesday we were instructed to run 4 laps around the track and I quietly paced myself and decided I was doing this for me, that I really wanted to make it around 4 times. And I did! Not only that but I made it around 2 additional times later in the workout while holding a 2 lb. weighted ball. How much of a rockstar am I anyway!?

I am grateful for this program and for this blog. Both enable me to work through some lifetime issues and feel confident (for the 1st time) about getting to the other side of this.

My team was asked to keep food journals and like a 4 yr. old child with their lip sticking out in the mother of all pouts, I have refused to do this. I hate food journals and I know that this is not a habit that I am going to keep, so why bother!?

Wow, that really DOES sound like a pout, doesn't it? I'm ok with that.

It bears mentioning that while I have chosen not to do the journaling I have been very mindful of the food I put in my body and the water I am drinking etc..

One of my teammates said on Tuesday that she felt her pants were a little looser and immediately thought "I better start eating!" It was a defining moment for me because I realized I have similar thoughts. The gift here is that I can pause long enough to look those thoughts over and choose whether I really want to head down that path today or not. Today, right now, I choose not to go there.

When I walked in today and on Tuesday I tip toed past the scale which I noticed is calling my name..."Hey Linda! Come on over. Step up girl. You can do it! Just this once...nobody'll know." Aaarghhh.

Here's the deal. I'm doing really well and feeling pretty good about myself. I am SO fearful of getting on the scale because the minute I see that number I may make that more important the mental weight I am dropping. Does that make sense?

Sure, I want to lose weight, I want to very badly. But nothing is ever going to change with me if I don't make a mental shift first. What is that saying? "Bring the mind and the body will follow".

I asked my trainer what she thought and she suggested weighing in once a week to keep on track and honest. It makes sense but I think I'm going to wait another week and give my body a chance to catch up with all that's going on.

In the meantime, I will ignore the seductive murmurings of the scale and shift my energy to blocking out the equally inviting pull of the potato chips!

Sigh. my work is never done!

Have a lovely day.

The Before picture and a few other thoughts.

When I began this journey, I made the commitment to be honest and forthright. I acknowledged the importance of sharing and have had a few "Ah ha!" moments since then.

If I were to adhere to the list that I mentioned in my previous post, specifically "No shame, no guilt, no comparison...OK forget that, let's just say the ENTIRE list, then I cannot afford to post my "before" picture.

The moment I look at my before picture all rationality goes out the window. The part of me that knows that I am not fat suddenly changes her mind and decides that I probably shouldn't be seen in public!

It doesn't make sense and I have been forbidden to ask "why" so I come back to this small thing of loving myself.

I think this is the place where I pause and take a deep breath. This is the place where I acknowledge what a lovely thing it is that I am doing for myself. Just me.

This may be the place where I ask myself what my goals are and most importantly how I can find pleasure in this moment and the ones to come. My journey can be as beautiful or as filled will angst as I choose. How kooky is that!?

I think, for a change I am choosing joy. I am choosing to not post a picture that will drag me down to the gutter. Not because of how it REALLY looks but because of how I perceive myself to look. If I find down the road that it would benefit me and others, then I will post the infamous before photo.

For now, I think I will try to skip down this path of happy destiny instead of trudge.

It was my 49th birthday yesterday and it was just lovely. I want to publicly acknowledge my beautiful boyfriend Dan who pulled out all the stops and made it incredibly special for me. Thanks Babe, you are my heart. I love you!

The Morning After...

Yesterday was my first team workout for my "Lose to Win" program. We met on the track at 5:30 a.m. and from 5:31 a.m. until 6:30 a.m. my butt was officially kicked!

It's one thing to mentally commit to a program like this and quite another for the physical reality of this type of undertaking to sink in.

Let me mention that I have had 3 trainers over the past 5-6 years and working with them did not touch nor prepare me for this experience.

I did what was asked of me and didn't complain. The first thing my trainer had us do was run 3 laps around the indoor track. I thought "No problem!" but well guess what? It was a problem. After the first lap I was really struggling and after the first set of exercises following the laps I looked at the clock thinking that we must surely have only about 1/2 an hour remaining and we had only just begun.

Getting through this first workout was a spiritual challenge for me. It took everything I had NOT to berate myself. A slough of incredibly unkind thoughts about myself and my current physical condition stomped through my brain the entire hour and it was excruciating.

I have a wonderful counselor that I talk to once a month who gave me this list. It has to do with releasing destructive patterns from your life and your past and growing into a new and positive space. Here is what he told me:

1. No Shame
2. No Blame
3. No Guilt
4. No Judgement
5. No Comparison
6. No more questions such as "Why me?"

So imagine if you will Linda doing lunges with her group around the indoor track. My brain is screaming obsenities at me and I am chanting the list above. I look up and my trainer is standing off to the sidelines and I say "It's never going to be harder than this, right?" and she says in a very kind and loving voice "That's right, it's NEVER going to be harder than this!"

I was overwhelmed. I cried and yet I did not stop doing those flipping lunges nor did I stop skipping or running stairs or stop any of the other exercises that we were given yesterday.

I will be honest and admit that the over achiever in me REALLY wanted to be at the front of the line instead of the back. But I acknowledge the pure brilliance of staying in that line no matter my position and seeing it through to the end of the workout.

I chanted" I can do this!" and finally and joyfully chanted "I DID IT!"

So this was the beginning and it wasn't pretty. But was it suppose to be?

The impact of what I have ahead of me is daunting but you know what? I'm an incredibly strong and brave woman. I have been through many upsets and challenges in my life and I have always found a rainbow on the other side of every one of my life experiences!

This rainbow is off in the distance but I can see a glimmer on the horizon and that gives me great hope.

I'm a rockstar!

A day of hope and the dawn of a new era

I am awe struck when I think of all of the historic changes and evolution I have seen in my lifetime.

Today is the kind of day that when looking back you will ask "What were you doing the day that Barack Obama was sworn in as our 44th President of the United States?" And I will say:

"I was was in the waiting room of a doctors office in Northbrook, Illinois. The staff had a radio broadcasting the inaugaration and myself and one other woman were quietly listen to Yo Yo Ma and Itzak Perlman play together."

It was indescribably beautiful.

The woman, whom I had never seen before looked at me and said "It's a big day." I said "It is!" and we both started crying. It was one of the more profound moments in my life.

We talked quietly about hope and the dawn of a new era.

This will now become a piece of my history. This precious little vignette that I shared with a total stranger.

Happy Birthday Allison!

First of all Happy, Happy Birthday to my little sister Allison! She has the honor to have been born on January 20th...Inaugaration Day and also a day in the past when hostages have been safely released. I doubt my Mother planned it that way. I even recall when Allison was born asking my Mother what I was getting for my birthday (Jan. 25th) my Mom's reply was "She is your birthday present!" to which I am told I responded "I don't want her." This is a tale told over and over in my family and one I am happy to say I have changed my stance on.

For the record I do want her and am happy that she is a big part of my life.

Happy Birthday Al!

FYI - This is what happens when I leave my sister and daughter alone. sigh.

Goals and Inspiration

I have been searching for a while now for a picture of a woman's physique that will inspire me. I've looked through many magazines and found nothing that struck me as realistic or beautiful.

First of all I am not a skinny woman and never want to be. My goal is to be fit and healthy and I want the images that I relate to to reflect that!

Funny thing was, I couldn't find anything. And then I stumbled upon this picture of Dame Helen Mirren. The woman is 62 years old and I want to look JUST like her when I grow up!

She looks healthy and curvy and feminine and well as my Mother used to say "She looks just the way a woman is suppose to look!" Beautiful!

So here is my template. The picture and figure I most desire and relate to. I feel very fortunate to have found this and to have a healthy idea of what Linda at 49 wants to look like rather than fantasizing about looking the way i did when I was 29. You know what I mean?

I can do it too and I get there 1 step at a time, 1 day at a time. The key is LOVE. I cannot push my way into this new space I have to love my way into it. Sigh. It sounds so easy, doesn't it?

I guess the choice is mine.

An amazing video!

Please follow this link and watch this video. It's nothing short of beautiful.

http://www.guzer.com/videos/are-you-going-to-finish-strong.php

Weigh in day!

I figure by putting an exclamation point after "weigh in" it will produce some excitement in me...no not so much! LOL!

I found out that I could go weigh in today or tomorrow and being the proactive girl that I am, I drove myself over to the gym in my new cross trainers (they're really pretty) and gingerly stepped on the scale.

I made sure to take off the new shoes as well as my glasses, cause we all know how much they weight, right? Sheesh!

One of the purposes of this blog is to be honest with myself and with you. Over the course of this week I hope to get accurate measurements and a bodyfat assessment as well so I truly know what my starting point is. I will be sharing those with you and I will also be taking a before picture.

As of 7:00 a.m. this morning, I weighed in at 167.6 lbs.

I'm guessing that bag of chips and the m & m's Dan and I hoovered this weekend didn't contribute to any weight loss. Wierd huh?

More later!

This is me in the middle at my daughter's graduation.

And so it begins...

Welcome!

I started this blog to chronicle a major event in my life. I imagine that as I learn how blogging works and how to pretty up my page, it will become more captivating every time you visit. At least I hope it is.

On Tuesday January 20th I will go into my local health club and begin a program with numerous other brave souls called "Lose to Win". It is a 9 week fitness program fashioned after "The Biggest Loser".

I had been thinking for some time that I wished somebody had a similar program for people who desired to lose weight and get fit. I walked in to this gym to sign up as a member and here is this big fat sign staring me in the face telling me there was only 3 weeks until "Win to Lose" started and that I should sign up!

I felt completely ill. No, seriously I felt like I was not only going to run out of there screaming like a maniac but that I might just ralph all over their sign in the process!

What had I called to myself? Was the desire so strong and the plea inside my head and heart so loud that I somehow created this program for myself? Coincidence right? Maybe, but never the less, there I was standing in the lobby of my new gym looking very much like a deer in the headlights of a very large oncoming car.

I had a choice to make and it wasn't a little one.

I had the opportunity to put up or shut up.

I called the gym later that day and asked a few questions about the program. The more answers I got, the clearer I was that I was being given a gift. A gift that I really could not afford to pass up.

I want to be proud of who I am and how I look. I want to take ownership of my health and fitness and as a perk from moving into this new physical, emotional and spiritual space, I hope to lose about 23+ lbs. in the process.

As you may have already guessed, I put my big girl panties on and I signed up!

I am on the cusp of a new journey. This blog is a way for me to share what my experiences are, what strength I gain from this journey and the hope of a new reality for me.

I hope you will come along for the ride!