The Morning After...

Yesterday was my first team workout for my "Lose to Win" program. We met on the track at 5:30 a.m. and from 5:31 a.m. until 6:30 a.m. my butt was officially kicked!

It's one thing to mentally commit to a program like this and quite another for the physical reality of this type of undertaking to sink in.

Let me mention that I have had 3 trainers over the past 5-6 years and working with them did not touch nor prepare me for this experience.

I did what was asked of me and didn't complain. The first thing my trainer had us do was run 3 laps around the indoor track. I thought "No problem!" but well guess what? It was a problem. After the first lap I was really struggling and after the first set of exercises following the laps I looked at the clock thinking that we must surely have only about 1/2 an hour remaining and we had only just begun.

Getting through this first workout was a spiritual challenge for me. It took everything I had NOT to berate myself. A slough of incredibly unkind thoughts about myself and my current physical condition stomped through my brain the entire hour and it was excruciating.

I have a wonderful counselor that I talk to once a month who gave me this list. It has to do with releasing destructive patterns from your life and your past and growing into a new and positive space. Here is what he told me:

1. No Shame
2. No Blame
3. No Guilt
4. No Judgement
5. No Comparison
6. No more questions such as "Why me?"

So imagine if you will Linda doing lunges with her group around the indoor track. My brain is screaming obsenities at me and I am chanting the list above. I look up and my trainer is standing off to the sidelines and I say "It's never going to be harder than this, right?" and she says in a very kind and loving voice "That's right, it's NEVER going to be harder than this!"

I was overwhelmed. I cried and yet I did not stop doing those flipping lunges nor did I stop skipping or running stairs or stop any of the other exercises that we were given yesterday.

I will be honest and admit that the over achiever in me REALLY wanted to be at the front of the line instead of the back. But I acknowledge the pure brilliance of staying in that line no matter my position and seeing it through to the end of the workout.

I chanted" I can do this!" and finally and joyfully chanted "I DID IT!"

So this was the beginning and it wasn't pretty. But was it suppose to be?

The impact of what I have ahead of me is daunting but you know what? I'm an incredibly strong and brave woman. I have been through many upsets and challenges in my life and I have always found a rainbow on the other side of every one of my life experiences!

This rainbow is off in the distance but I can see a glimmer on the horizon and that gives me great hope.

I'm a rockstar!