The Before picture and a few other thoughts.

When I began this journey, I made the commitment to be honest and forthright. I acknowledged the importance of sharing and have had a few "Ah ha!" moments since then.

If I were to adhere to the list that I mentioned in my previous post, specifically "No shame, no guilt, no comparison...OK forget that, let's just say the ENTIRE list, then I cannot afford to post my "before" picture.

The moment I look at my before picture all rationality goes out the window. The part of me that knows that I am not fat suddenly changes her mind and decides that I probably shouldn't be seen in public!

It doesn't make sense and I have been forbidden to ask "why" so I come back to this small thing of loving myself.

I think this is the place where I pause and take a deep breath. This is the place where I acknowledge what a lovely thing it is that I am doing for myself. Just me.

This may be the place where I ask myself what my goals are and most importantly how I can find pleasure in this moment and the ones to come. My journey can be as beautiful or as filled will angst as I choose. How kooky is that!?

I think, for a change I am choosing joy. I am choosing to not post a picture that will drag me down to the gutter. Not because of how it REALLY looks but because of how I perceive myself to look. If I find down the road that it would benefit me and others, then I will post the infamous before photo.

For now, I think I will try to skip down this path of happy destiny instead of trudge.

It was my 49th birthday yesterday and it was just lovely. I want to publicly acknowledge my beautiful boyfriend Dan who pulled out all the stops and made it incredibly special for me. Thanks Babe, you are my heart. I love you!