The Big Shift

It has been quite some time since I've been on my site and chronicled my thoughts.

Often I am on the fly and think "Oh yes, THAT's what I'm going to blog about next." and then one day goes by and yet another and here I am a month later! Yikes!

The idea of starting this blog was to expose my honest and sometimes painful journey of weight loss, health and fitness.

This has been a lovely journey full of life lessons that I haven't always wanted. I regret that i did not write more this past month as many shifts have happened.

You may recall that when I started my bootcamps at the gym I had difficulty with what I considered the simplest of physical tasks ie: jumping jacks and skipping and running. How simple could that be, right? Well truthfully, for me, it was tough and I beat the crap out of myself for not being able to accomplish these small tasks without burning out quickly or just quitting because it was too hard.

I had a goal to lose 26 pounds (I think). Initially I started out with a bang and lost over 5 lbs. and was really proud of myself. Something interesting happened then...I became fearful of weighing myself and a shift happened where I began to stress and focus on my weight loss instead of what I had originally vowed to concentrate on, which was getting healthy.

I could go on and on about the variety of things that happened but here's the bottom line. In focusing on the numbers my body stopped dropping weight. Call it emotional, or the lack of my spiritual core but the end result was the same. I not only stopped losing weight, I gained it again.

This past Thursday I went into the gym for my final weigh in. When I started I was at 167.6 lbs. and this past week I weighed 165.4. We're talking 2 lbs. that's it! That's all I lost in 9 flipping weeks!

I want you to know that i cried, I ranted, I kicked and I screamed and after I got tired of feeling desolate and completely bereft, I was reminded by the people I love a few pertinent things.

1. I showed up for every work out!
2. I tried my best to meet the challenges that were presented to me every time I worked out.
3. I made healthier choices.
4. I exercised 5 days a week! Can you believe it?
5. I started taking Yoga classes.
6. I can now skip to my hearts content and I can do SOME jumping jacks.
7. My enthusiasm encouraged half of my group at the gym to sign up with our trainer for another 6 weeks! Am I crazy or what?!
8. I lost 1 pant size.
9. I lost 2 inches in my belly.
10.I gained self confidence, endurance and strength AND I moved closer to having a fit and healthy body.

Phew! All that happened in 9 weeks and NONE of those accomplishments had anything to do with weight loss!

I was told a few very important thinks when I embarked on this journey...

1. I am not a number.
2. It took 50 miles to walk into the woods, it will take 50 miles to walk out.

As a youth I did a lot of damage to my body with crash diets, diet pills and starvation. Eating healthy and working towards a fit body was never even a consideration.

I am 49 years old now and the damage I created many years ago are a part of the many injustices I inflicted on my body and more deeply in my soul.

Somewhere along the line I got the idea that I was defective. That who I was and how I presented just wasn't good enough. I believe that that was when I began punishing myself and making incredibly poor choices.

Here is the gift (and as you get to know me, you will know that I ALWAYS find one.) I have the great opportunity to correct the past poor choices I made by replacing them with loving, healthy choices!

At the end of the day, as I've said before, it all comes down to loving yourself enough to make the changes.

How do I do that?

Well, I start by putting the big stick down that I've been beating myself up with all these years and then I put my big girl panties on and THEN I start my luscious journey by putting one foot in front of the other and remembering to breathe in and breathe out!

Sounds simple right? LOL!

We'll see.

What started for me as a 9 week adventure has now shifted to a lifelong commitment.

Just for today I chose to love every part of Linda. And just for today I really will put the big stick down.

I think that this experience was exactly what I needed to continue on down the path that I've begun to blaze for myself. As in all unchartered territories there are many unknowns ahead.

I hope you will join me in discovering all the layers of Linda. I promise to continue to share them with you as openly and honestly as I can.

Welcome to my luscious journey!

With love,

Linda