Today marks one complete week and 3 complete work outs in my "Win to Lose" program.
I am happy to report that while I sweat like I have never sweat before, I kept up and even surpassed some of the personal goals I was holding for myself!
As you may recall, the first day we were instructed to run 3 laps around the track. I barely made it around twice. On Tuesday we were instructed to run 4 laps around the track and I quietly paced myself and decided I was doing this for me, that I really wanted to make it around 4 times. And I did! Not only that but I made it around 2 additional times later in the workout while holding a 2 lb. weighted ball. How much of a rockstar am I anyway!?
I am grateful for this program and for this blog. Both enable me to work through some lifetime issues and feel confident (for the 1st time) about getting to the other side of this.
My team was asked to keep food journals and like a 4 yr. old child with their lip sticking out in the mother of all pouts, I have refused to do this. I hate food journals and I know that this is not a habit that I am going to keep, so why bother!?
Wow, that really DOES sound like a pout, doesn't it? I'm ok with that.
It bears mentioning that while I have chosen not to do the journaling I have been very mindful of the food I put in my body and the water I am drinking etc..
One of my teammates said on Tuesday that she felt her pants were a little looser and immediately thought "I better start eating!" It was a defining moment for me because I realized I have similar thoughts. The gift here is that I can pause long enough to look those thoughts over and choose whether I really want to head down that path today or not. Today, right now, I choose not to go there.
When I walked in today and on Tuesday I tip toed past the scale which I noticed is calling my name..."Hey Linda! Come on over. Step up girl. You can do it! Just this once...nobody'll know." Aaarghhh.
Here's the deal. I'm doing really well and feeling pretty good about myself. I am SO fearful of getting on the scale because the minute I see that number I may make that more important the mental weight I am dropping. Does that make sense?
Sure, I want to lose weight, I want to very badly. But nothing is ever going to change with me if I don't make a mental shift first. What is that saying? "Bring the mind and the body will follow".
I asked my trainer what she thought and she suggested weighing in once a week to keep on track and honest. It makes sense but I think I'm going to wait another week and give my body a chance to catch up with all that's going on.
In the meantime, I will ignore the seductive murmurings of the scale and shift my energy to blocking out the equally inviting pull of the potato chips!
Sigh. my work is never done!
Have a lovely day.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
The Before picture and a few other thoughts.
When I began this journey, I made the commitment to be honest and forthright. I acknowledged the importance of sharing and have had a few "Ah ha!" moments since then.
If I were to adhere to the list that I mentioned in my previous post, specifically "No shame, no guilt, no comparison...OK forget that, let's just say the ENTIRE list, then I cannot afford to post my "before" picture.
The moment I look at my before picture all rationality goes out the window. The part of me that knows that I am not fat suddenly changes her mind and decides that I probably shouldn't be seen in public!
It doesn't make sense and I have been forbidden to ask "why" so I come back to this small thing of loving myself.
I think this is the place where I pause and take a deep breath. This is the place where I acknowledge what a lovely thing it is that I am doing for myself. Just me.
This may be the place where I ask myself what my goals are and most importantly how I can find pleasure in this moment and the ones to come. My journey can be as beautiful or as filled will angst as I choose. How kooky is that!?
I think, for a change I am choosing joy. I am choosing to not post a picture that will drag me down to the gutter. Not because of how it REALLY looks but because of how I perceive myself to look. If I find down the road that it would benefit me and others, then I will post the infamous before photo.
For now, I think I will try to skip down this path of happy destiny instead of trudge.
It was my 49th birthday yesterday and it was just lovely. I want to publicly acknowledge my beautiful boyfriend Dan who pulled out all the stops and made it incredibly special for me. Thanks Babe, you are my heart. I love you!
If I were to adhere to the list that I mentioned in my previous post, specifically "No shame, no guilt, no comparison...OK forget that, let's just say the ENTIRE list, then I cannot afford to post my "before" picture.
The moment I look at my before picture all rationality goes out the window. The part of me that knows that I am not fat suddenly changes her mind and decides that I probably shouldn't be seen in public!
It doesn't make sense and I have been forbidden to ask "why" so I come back to this small thing of loving myself.
I think this is the place where I pause and take a deep breath. This is the place where I acknowledge what a lovely thing it is that I am doing for myself. Just me.
This may be the place where I ask myself what my goals are and most importantly how I can find pleasure in this moment and the ones to come. My journey can be as beautiful or as filled will angst as I choose. How kooky is that!?
I think, for a change I am choosing joy. I am choosing to not post a picture that will drag me down to the gutter. Not because of how it REALLY looks but because of how I perceive myself to look. If I find down the road that it would benefit me and others, then I will post the infamous before photo.
For now, I think I will try to skip down this path of happy destiny instead of trudge.
It was my 49th birthday yesterday and it was just lovely. I want to publicly acknowledge my beautiful boyfriend Dan who pulled out all the stops and made it incredibly special for me. Thanks Babe, you are my heart. I love you!
Friday, January 23, 2009
The Morning After...
Yesterday was my first team workout for my "Lose to Win" program. We met on the track at 5:30 a.m. and from 5:31 a.m. until 6:30 a.m. my butt was officially kicked!
It's one thing to mentally commit to a program like this and quite another for the physical reality of this type of undertaking to sink in.
Let me mention that I have had 3 trainers over the past 5-6 years and working with them did not touch nor prepare me for this experience.
I did what was asked of me and didn't complain. The first thing my trainer had us do was run 3 laps around the indoor track. I thought "No problem!" but well guess what? It was a problem. After the first lap I was really struggling and after the first set of exercises following the laps I looked at the clock thinking that we must surely have only about 1/2 an hour remaining and we had only just begun.
Getting through this first workout was a spiritual challenge for me. It took everything I had NOT to berate myself. A slough of incredibly unkind thoughts about myself and my current physical condition stomped through my brain the entire hour and it was excruciating.
I have a wonderful counselor that I talk to once a month who gave me this list. It has to do with releasing destructive patterns from your life and your past and growing into a new and positive space. Here is what he told me:
1. No Shame
2. No Blame
3. No Guilt
4. No Judgement
5. No Comparison
6. No more questions such as "Why me?"
So imagine if you will Linda doing lunges with her group around the indoor track. My brain is screaming obsenities at me and I am chanting the list above. I look up and my trainer is standing off to the sidelines and I say "It's never going to be harder than this, right?" and she says in a very kind and loving voice "That's right, it's NEVER going to be harder than this!"
I was overwhelmed. I cried and yet I did not stop doing those flipping lunges nor did I stop skipping or running stairs or stop any of the other exercises that we were given yesterday.
I will be honest and admit that the over achiever in me REALLY wanted to be at the front of the line instead of the back. But I acknowledge the pure brilliance of staying in that line no matter my position and seeing it through to the end of the workout.
I chanted" I can do this!" and finally and joyfully chanted "I DID IT!"
So this was the beginning and it wasn't pretty. But was it suppose to be?
The impact of what I have ahead of me is daunting but you know what? I'm an incredibly strong and brave woman. I have been through many upsets and challenges in my life and I have always found a rainbow on the other side of every one of my life experiences!
This rainbow is off in the distance but I can see a glimmer on the horizon and that gives me great hope.
I'm a rockstar!
It's one thing to mentally commit to a program like this and quite another for the physical reality of this type of undertaking to sink in.
Let me mention that I have had 3 trainers over the past 5-6 years and working with them did not touch nor prepare me for this experience.
I did what was asked of me and didn't complain. The first thing my trainer had us do was run 3 laps around the indoor track. I thought "No problem!" but well guess what? It was a problem. After the first lap I was really struggling and after the first set of exercises following the laps I looked at the clock thinking that we must surely have only about 1/2 an hour remaining and we had only just begun.
Getting through this first workout was a spiritual challenge for me. It took everything I had NOT to berate myself. A slough of incredibly unkind thoughts about myself and my current physical condition stomped through my brain the entire hour and it was excruciating.
I have a wonderful counselor that I talk to once a month who gave me this list. It has to do with releasing destructive patterns from your life and your past and growing into a new and positive space. Here is what he told me:
1. No Shame
2. No Blame
3. No Guilt
4. No Judgement
5. No Comparison
6. No more questions such as "Why me?"
So imagine if you will Linda doing lunges with her group around the indoor track. My brain is screaming obsenities at me and I am chanting the list above. I look up and my trainer is standing off to the sidelines and I say "It's never going to be harder than this, right?" and she says in a very kind and loving voice "That's right, it's NEVER going to be harder than this!"
I was overwhelmed. I cried and yet I did not stop doing those flipping lunges nor did I stop skipping or running stairs or stop any of the other exercises that we were given yesterday.
I will be honest and admit that the over achiever in me REALLY wanted to be at the front of the line instead of the back. But I acknowledge the pure brilliance of staying in that line no matter my position and seeing it through to the end of the workout.
I chanted" I can do this!" and finally and joyfully chanted "I DID IT!"
So this was the beginning and it wasn't pretty. But was it suppose to be?
The impact of what I have ahead of me is daunting but you know what? I'm an incredibly strong and brave woman. I have been through many upsets and challenges in my life and I have always found a rainbow on the other side of every one of my life experiences!
This rainbow is off in the distance but I can see a glimmer on the horizon and that gives me great hope.
I'm a rockstar!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
A day of hope and the dawn of a new era
I am awe struck when I think of all of the historic changes and evolution I have seen in my lifetime.
Today is the kind of day that when looking back you will ask "What were you doing the day that Barack Obama was sworn in as our 44th President of the United States?" And I will say:
"I was was in the waiting room of a doctors office in Northbrook, Illinois. The staff had a radio broadcasting the inaugaration and myself and one other woman were quietly listen to Yo Yo Ma and Itzak Perlman play together."
It was indescribably beautiful.
The woman, whom I had never seen before looked at me and said "It's a big day." I said "It is!" and we both started crying. It was one of the more profound moments in my life.
We talked quietly about hope and the dawn of a new era.
This will now become a piece of my history. This precious little vignette that I shared with a total stranger.
Today is the kind of day that when looking back you will ask "What were you doing the day that Barack Obama was sworn in as our 44th President of the United States?" And I will say:
"I was was in the waiting room of a doctors office in Northbrook, Illinois. The staff had a radio broadcasting the inaugaration and myself and one other woman were quietly listen to Yo Yo Ma and Itzak Perlman play together."
It was indescribably beautiful.
The woman, whom I had never seen before looked at me and said "It's a big day." I said "It is!" and we both started crying. It was one of the more profound moments in my life.
We talked quietly about hope and the dawn of a new era.
This will now become a piece of my history. This precious little vignette that I shared with a total stranger.
Happy Birthday Allison!
First of all Happy, Happy Birthday to my little sister Allison! She has the honor to have been born on January 20th...Inaugaration Day and also a day in the past when hostages have been safely released. I doubt my Mother planned it that way. I even recall when Allison was born asking my Mother what I was getting for my birthday (Jan. 25th) my Mom's reply was "She is your birthday present!" to which I am told I responded "I don't want her." This is a tale told over and over in my family and one I am happy to say I have changed my stance on.
For the record I do want her and am happy that she is a big part of my life.
Happy Birthday Al!
FYI - This is what happens when I leave my sister and daughter alone. sigh.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Goals and Inspiration
I have been searching for a while now for a picture of a woman's physique that will inspire me. I've looked through many magazines and found nothing that struck me as realistic or beautiful.
First of all I am not a skinny woman and never want to be. My goal is to be fit and healthy and I want the images that I relate to to reflect that!
Funny thing was, I couldn't find anything. And then I stumbled upon this picture of Dame Helen Mirren. The woman is 62 years old and I want to look JUST like her when I grow up!
She looks healthy and curvy and feminine and well as my Mother used to say "She looks just the way a woman is suppose to look!" Beautiful!
So here is my template. The picture and figure I most desire and relate to. I feel very fortunate to have found this and to have a healthy idea of what Linda at 49 wants to look like rather than fantasizing about looking the way i did when I was 29. You know what I mean?
I can do it too and I get there 1 step at a time, 1 day at a time. The key is LOVE. I cannot push my way into this new space I have to love my way into it. Sigh. It sounds so easy, doesn't it?
I guess the choice is mine.
An amazing video!
Please follow this link and watch this video. It's nothing short of beautiful.
http://www.guzer.com/videos/are-you-going-to-finish-strong.php
http://www.guzer.com/videos/are-you-going-to-finish-strong.php
Weigh in day!
I figure by putting an exclamation point after "weigh in" it will produce some excitement in me...no not so much! LOL!
I found out that I could go weigh in today or tomorrow and being the proactive girl that I am, I drove myself over to the gym in my new cross trainers (they're really pretty) and gingerly stepped on the scale.
I made sure to take off the new shoes as well as my glasses, cause we all know how much they weight, right? Sheesh!
One of the purposes of this blog is to be honest with myself and with you. Over the course of this week I hope to get accurate measurements and a bodyfat assessment as well so I truly know what my starting point is. I will be sharing those with you and I will also be taking a before picture.
As of 7:00 a.m. this morning, I weighed in at 167.6 lbs.
I'm guessing that bag of chips and the m & m's Dan and I hoovered this weekend didn't contribute to any weight loss. Wierd huh?
More later!
I found out that I could go weigh in today or tomorrow and being the proactive girl that I am, I drove myself over to the gym in my new cross trainers (they're really pretty) and gingerly stepped on the scale.
I made sure to take off the new shoes as well as my glasses, cause we all know how much they weight, right? Sheesh!
One of the purposes of this blog is to be honest with myself and with you. Over the course of this week I hope to get accurate measurements and a bodyfat assessment as well so I truly know what my starting point is. I will be sharing those with you and I will also be taking a before picture.
As of 7:00 a.m. this morning, I weighed in at 167.6 lbs.
I'm guessing that bag of chips and the m & m's Dan and I hoovered this weekend didn't contribute to any weight loss. Wierd huh?
More later!
Sunday, January 18, 2009
And so it begins...
Welcome!
I started this blog to chronicle a major event in my life. I imagine that as I learn how blogging works and how to pretty up my page, it will become more captivating every time you visit. At least I hope it is.
On Tuesday January 20th I will go into my local health club and begin a program with numerous other brave souls called "Lose to Win". It is a 9 week fitness program fashioned after "The Biggest Loser".
I had been thinking for some time that I wished somebody had a similar program for people who desired to lose weight and get fit. I walked in to this gym to sign up as a member and here is this big fat sign staring me in the face telling me there was only 3 weeks until "Win to Lose" started and that I should sign up!
I felt completely ill. No, seriously I felt like I was not only going to run out of there screaming like a maniac but that I might just ralph all over their sign in the process!
What had I called to myself? Was the desire so strong and the plea inside my head and heart so loud that I somehow created this program for myself? Coincidence right? Maybe, but never the less, there I was standing in the lobby of my new gym looking very much like a deer in the headlights of a very large oncoming car.
I had a choice to make and it wasn't a little one.
I had the opportunity to put up or shut up.
I called the gym later that day and asked a few questions about the program. The more answers I got, the clearer I was that I was being given a gift. A gift that I really could not afford to pass up.
I want to be proud of who I am and how I look. I want to take ownership of my health and fitness and as a perk from moving into this new physical, emotional and spiritual space, I hope to lose about 23+ lbs. in the process.
As you may have already guessed, I put my big girl panties on and I signed up!
I am on the cusp of a new journey. This blog is a way for me to share what my experiences are, what strength I gain from this journey and the hope of a new reality for me.
I hope you will come along for the ride!
I started this blog to chronicle a major event in my life. I imagine that as I learn how blogging works and how to pretty up my page, it will become more captivating every time you visit. At least I hope it is.
On Tuesday January 20th I will go into my local health club and begin a program with numerous other brave souls called "Lose to Win". It is a 9 week fitness program fashioned after "The Biggest Loser".
I had been thinking for some time that I wished somebody had a similar program for people who desired to lose weight and get fit. I walked in to this gym to sign up as a member and here is this big fat sign staring me in the face telling me there was only 3 weeks until "Win to Lose" started and that I should sign up!
I felt completely ill. No, seriously I felt like I was not only going to run out of there screaming like a maniac but that I might just ralph all over their sign in the process!
What had I called to myself? Was the desire so strong and the plea inside my head and heart so loud that I somehow created this program for myself? Coincidence right? Maybe, but never the less, there I was standing in the lobby of my new gym looking very much like a deer in the headlights of a very large oncoming car.
I had a choice to make and it wasn't a little one.
I had the opportunity to put up or shut up.
I called the gym later that day and asked a few questions about the program. The more answers I got, the clearer I was that I was being given a gift. A gift that I really could not afford to pass up.
I want to be proud of who I am and how I look. I want to take ownership of my health and fitness and as a perk from moving into this new physical, emotional and spiritual space, I hope to lose about 23+ lbs. in the process.
As you may have already guessed, I put my big girl panties on and I signed up!
I am on the cusp of a new journey. This blog is a way for me to share what my experiences are, what strength I gain from this journey and the hope of a new reality for me.
I hope you will come along for the ride!
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